..but this is what's most important now so just read it; there's more to come

NO.
that wasn't enough.
i'm not exhausted.
i'm not aching much.
i'm angry that i let them set the pace of the game.

if, at half time, raffles substituted them, i'd have gone faster than i did just now.
why do i let the opponent decide how fast the game is to be played?
why!

i observed that during last year's matches. i'd say that, in part, cost us our ACS(I) game.

and i forgot about it today.

i lost sleep worrying for today's match.

i neglected my physics paper for it.

i wanted it so badly.
so, so badly.

i didn't even get my hopes up in fear of the extreme crushing disappointment in case we didn't win.
but my actions show otherwise.
i relaxed a bit.
and that little bit resulted in that super obvious goal from their winger, among other screw ups. of course, he kicked me so freakin' hard when i wasn't expecting it. but if you think about it, i had to be behind him for him to kick me.

there seems to be this war going on inside of me.

need.to.know.why.i'm.holding.back.